Thinking About Stuff...

I know, I know...the title doesn't really give any clues about anything. I've been at a loss for what to write. I keep trying to think of things and nothing is really striking my fancy. I do know that I think about a lot of stuff ALL THE TIME. I just don't know how to organize it. I wish I could file stuff in my head like you do in a computer...it would be quite the file structure. But, alas, brains don't do things that way. And, my thoughts are always overlapping, so I don't know how to keep things focused. I can go from thinking about my car, to thinking about my time in Greece, to thinking about work (where I am now and Ahern), to what I need to do when I get home, to beating myself up for not working out the past 2 days, etc, etc in less than 5 minutes. I have no idea how the thoughts connect. Well, I have an idea, but that's too much to put in here.

I feel like I always want to do so much. Or that I need to do so much. And if I don't do it, then I'll have hell to pay (from myself). I feel like I put pressure on myself and that it's not constructive. I mean, I feel bad if I don't do something I told myself to do. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to have my goals and do them, but allow myself the flexibility. If I'm too rigid I won't do anything (the same if I'm too lax). I guess I feel overwhelmed by my thoughts and thought process because I don't allow the way they work (as in they come and go in the blink of an eye) in the PLAN I have for myself. And I can't really even tell you my plan, other than the obvious things (i.e. I'm going to Boot Camp in September).

In terms of thoughts, that is where I am. That is where I have been for a long time. It's time for an upgrade.